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Many homes are beautiful to look at, yet uncomfortable to visit. A home should be a place that is comfortable to sit in, walk through, play in, and live. A child feels these needs more than an adult, because the child is developing, and acquiring skills for a lifetime. The child’s home needs to be a place where the child can impact the environment, learn about the world, and be nurtured through the developmental stages.
As a mother, and a professional I have had the opportunity to visit many homes where children live. The ones that are the least comfortable are those that have a fussy, inflexible neatness to them. It is true that modeling an organized manner of living is important for the child to develop an effective self management style. But a child needs the opportunity to make an impact on their environment. This is not meaningful if the pictures drawn, the model built, or the blocks constructed are immediately stashed away after completion.
A child has the need to make lasting impression on their surroundings. This can be achieved through the pictures on the refrigerator, or a wall that is devoted to the child’s artwork. However this concession is made, it should show reverence and appreciation for the child’s accomplishments. A wall that is devoted to crafts depicting the changing of the seasons can provide seasonal learning, and tactile projects for the young child. This space may not win any decorating awards, but the impact on the child will be great.
It is important to consider what is being emphasized by the physical set up of a house. The home that provides a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere can assist in this goal. If the focal point of the house is the television, computer, or game system, the energy of the individuals in the household will be focused on this impersonal and antisocial activity. The focus of the home should be on conversation space for the family. A child will note the importance of an activity by the amount of space it takes up in the home, and the amount of time that is consumed throughout the day. If you are wondering what message your home environment is sending to your kids reflect on the position of the television versus the bookshelf. Has the computer taken over the kitchen table? Is there room to sit and talk in the living room, or have electronic games taken over this space? The messages being sent in the living rooms across the United State is one of isolated and self-gratifying entertainment.
The home environment that provides the child with a safe place to talk about personal fears concerning the world around them is essential. Providing a place for the developing child to talk and discuss issues can be helpful. If the child has a specific place where conversation is welcomed and encouraged at an early age, as the child grows older and reaches adolescence they will continue this important habit. A home that provides for communication and interaction will support the positive development of the children.
According to Barbara Kuczen’s book, Childhood Stress, a child through age six experiences anxiety about being separated from the parents at bedtime, jealousy for the parent love, losing the parents, and gaining approval from the parents. A home should allow the child easy access to the parent’s room. If the parent’s room is seen as being off limits, and secretive, this will increase the natural insecurity the developing child may feel. That does not mean that parents do not have a right to privacy. Engaging the child in simple activities that allow them to see mom and dad’s things, sit on their bed, and read book in the parents’ special room can ease this anxiety. It shows the child that mom and dad include them in their personal lives and space.
The older child needs to know their space is sacred. Often parents observe the privacy rule stated as, “You can have your privacy and my trust until you violate these privleges.” It informs the older child that there are boundaries that will be respected by the parent, as long as the child is honest and responsible about their activities. One mother once told me, “My son’s room is off limits, but anything that makes it into the laundry is fair game.” Promoting a child’s own space will help them deal with their struggle to have greater independence as they approach adolescence.
The home environment of a child can help them to grow up loving, respectful, and open to new things. A good home environment that promotes interaction, learning, and relaxation can do this. It is important that parents think about how they arrange and conduct their lives in this living space that will help determine the developmental success of their children.
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